The Goliaths/Way Over There

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Way Over There: A Tale of Goliaths is a book written by Kurkko Featherbottom of The Goliaths. It serves as a chronicle of The Goliath's adventures. Written during the time of his adventures with the group, Kurkko sought to keep an accurate record of his travels. This was so, upon his return home to Baggelton, he'd be able to share all the group's escapades with his friends.

Chapter One: The Life of Poi

"The tale of The Goliaths begins as many great tales do: in a tavern, with Four brave heroes banding together in an epic quest to deplete the town’s supply of ale. There was Galapagos, the Tall Self-Conscious One; Garlic, the Sensible Feathery One; John, the Lustful Stabby One; and Kurkko, the Short Confused One.

The four proceeded their revelry for several days, until an intriguing offer arrived upon their table. Rastaman – Kurkko’s wholesome magical tutor – sought a group of adventurers for assistance in a trivial matter. Buying an audience with the group with yet another round of ale, the elderly wizard explained his problem. Some time ago he had lent a mystical tome to his peer, Flax, and was in need of its return. The problem lay in the fact Flax’s current whereabouts were unknown, so politely requesting it back probably wasn’t an option. The group (worried their money would run out before the ale) agreed to help the old man break into the home of another old man.

Before second breakfast could even be served, the group departed the next day. For several hours the four adventurers trailed through the bland scenery. At the end of the uneventful journey, they came across a peculiar shape attacking the skyline: a cone. In Flax’s own words* “Cones are – by every definition known to the forces of nature – are without a doubt the most magical objects ever to be designed.” For this reason alone he decided to live in one. He was an odd fellow.

[*from his critically divisive thesis “Cones: Where The Gods Finally Got It Right”]

With the enchanted stone Rastaman provided the party, they managed to gain entrance to the home and were accosted by a mechanical creation. Ignoring the machine’s repeated greetings as best as possible, the group searched though the entrance hall and it’s connected rooms. Unfortunately, all that was discovered was a bath of rancid water and a couple mysterious (yet delicious) potions.

After an hour of fruitless searching (and several mechanical misunderstandings) the group made their way to the library. After yet another face-removing misunderstanding with the sassiest bot this side of Kiston, the party found a slightly more hostile attitude coming from their hosts. A brief spat later, they had found themselves tumbling through a secret corridor, and eventually up the stairs to the highest levels of the cone.

Upon reaching the top, less than friendly greetings waited for them this time (at least they weren’t spouting their whole spiel though). The gang rallied together bravely to hold off the creepy-lipped-boxes with legs, and managed to continue through to what appeared to be Flax’s arcane chamber. Immediately it was evident something sinister had been going on. A 'pentaglam' on the floor glowed a menacing light, and the book that caused this journey rested open upon a lectern. The group got to work quickly, having to deal with only a very minor demonic invasion, and recovered the tome.

With everything resolved, all that was left was to do was one last search for more of the mysterious (yet delicious) potion known to the group only as “Poi” before leaving. Alas, this too proved to be a fruitless search, and the Goliaths left Flax’s ConeHome with only the book.

The journey back to the Golden Penguin was as uneventful as the morning’s, and they arrived shortly before sundown. It didn’t take long before Rastaman joined the four adventurers to claim his sought treasures. With payment delivered in return, the night returned to the group’s usual of drink fuelled singing and dancing. As Rastaman slipped off into the streets, our heroes enjoyed the fruits of their day’s work together, having formed a stronger friendship than booze alone can ever provide!"