The Cheese Plate

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You can buy "The Cheese Plate" from Crystal Farms. The Cheese Plate is not actually a plate but a bag that holds cheese based weaponry that are made by harnessing cheese's natural magical properties.

This is Option 1 for the Cheese Bag.

This is Option 2 for the Cheese Bag.

The Plate can only be found on Crystal Farms and rarely at Merchants Markets when the owners can be coerced. The farm is a medium sized cheese farm with magical wards that keep away monsters that are especially attracted to cheese, such as Blink Dogs with their keen sense of smell.

The origin of Crystal Farms is as magical as the products they sell!

The magical properties of cheese were long hidden from the people of Quelmar so cheeses were eaten as normal food. Some spread the magical substances over crackers and others were more bold and just consumed the cheese by itself. But the true magical powers were discovered one day during a very specific breakfast rendezvous.

The great and powerful Dave was the first known user of the cream cheese’s magical properties. He was attempting to eat breakfast that he stole from a dark wizard but as he was running from the wizard, Dave tripped and the bagel flipped over and landed cream cheese side down on Dave’s arm. Dave muttered a soft “Ew” but before he could wipe it off the wizard sent an attack spell that landed directly on the cream cheese. The spell was supposed to send a jolt of electricity through Dave’s body but the cream absorbed it and melted slightly onto Dave's skin. Dave and the wizard locked eyes, and both men went from shocked to glaring like they were in some sort of animated show. The wizard started reciting an incantation and Dave grabbed the bagel and defiantly spread the soft cheese over his body, clothes and all. By the end of the battle the wizard was exhausted and Dave was smelly from the light layer of melted dairy. They called a truce, introduced themselves, and obviously decided to go into business together, thus creating the brand Crystal Farms and making their own cheesy items. As the years went on Dave and the wizard, Philly, amassed more knowledge about magical items and also grew in their love towards one another. They spent their days sharing bagels in their breakfast nook, this time with butter or jam, tropical kiwi being their favorite, and their nights cuddling under their quilts as they dreamed of the other magical qualities that cheese could have.

Cheese may be protection against magic but it also created its own type of magic: the magic of love.

They found after finding enough cheese based weaponry that they needed to create a better way to get their weapons to the masses and thus The Cheese Plate was born!

Within The Cheese Plate you will find:

-Cream Cheese Protective Lotion: This is used by spreading the substance over your body. It will absorb magical spells used against the user for one hour. After that it is recommended that the user immediately shower because they will smell really bad.

-Feta Bombs: This is used by throwing the chunk of Feta, it then explodes into crumbled pieces. Each feta crumble deals a damage of 1 per piece. The area that it hits is 3 feet from where the initial chunk was thrown. The feta cannot be put back together again in a chunk, no matter how hard you try, because it will just crumble more and deal damage to the person trying to put it back together.

-Mozzarella Stick Cannon: This is a hand held cannon that when bit into the sends out a sticky net of mozzarella 20 feet from where the user is standing. This sticky net can hold something in its grasp for an hour but after that it becomes too messy. It is recommended that the thing that was held in the net gets washed up within two hours or else the mozzarella can coagulate and become a paste. And if it becomes a paste in someone's hair it is recommended that the hair is just cut or shaved off as that is easier than trying to wash it out.

-Limburger Stink Bomb: Like the Feta Bomb the Limburger is thrown at the intended victim, but it will not crumble naturally so the user must immediately beforehand cut through the outside (it is recommended that the user holds their nose while doing so) then on impact it will emit a nauseating scent 10 feet from where it landed. The scent will distract the victim for up to an hour and is known to have lasting stinky effects for three days. If stinky effects are looked for, definitely make sure that the victim does not bathe. If a member of your group is standing within 10 feet of the Limburger, you have three options: 1. use insanely expensive perfume, 2. bathe in the red blood of tomatoes, or 3. have them travel at the back of the party upwind from the rest of the group.

-Friendly Gouda: When Gouda is consumed by the intended victim they will believe that the Gouda user is their best friend and will willingly answer any questions and tell all their deepest dreams, fears, and insecurities for up to a day. Operate Gouda with caution as some users have stated that the victims can become addicted to the feeling of friendship and when the cheese has worn off they can harbor feelings of resentment towards the user. It is our best selling item! "My favorite's Gouda!" - Shees Theeman, known Cheese Warrior

-Halloumi Shield: Because of the high heat point of Halloumi it was discovered that it can also hold up very well under pressure, whether from swords, arrows, or the scrutiny of your in-laws. The Halloumi shield has been fire branded to better strengthen the bonds of the shield. If given enough time the shield can be personalized: for example your sigil, country of origin, or, in our favorite case, with the face of the cow that offered us the use of her magical milk. Her name is Muffin!! Be warned that once the shield has been broken, while still usable, the pieces can never be put back together.

This is the famous shield with the illustrious Muffin's face :)