| Date of Birth | Unknown |
|---|---|
| Place of Birth | Unknown |
| Species | Warforged |
| Gender | Unknown |
| Height | 5'9" |
| Weight | 25lb |
The first thing that you need to know about Felix is that nobody knows anything about Felix.
Felix Francis Fitzgerald is the formal name given to a Warforged eloquence bard that wanders this world in search of good stories, good company, and protection. He is constantly cheerful, and seeks to brighten the day of everyone around him at all times, be they friend or foe. He is a character in the Within the Wicked Wilds campaign.
Physical Appearance
Felix takes the appearance of a decorative suit of armor.
Felix's voice is posh and airy with a mid-high pitch and a metallic echo. Some consider it to be unsettling upon first hearing it.
Personality
True to his name, Felix has a permanently merry personality. He's an entertainer at heart to such an extreme that he will often try to entertain people that are actively trying to kill him. In fact, he's done it before, should you believe him.
Felix is constantly playing music.
Stories
Felix loves to tell stories. His more common ones are listed below.
- Stories of the stars, and what lies among them
- Manteiv
- The Story of Paladin Taijham
Manipulative Tendencies
Felix will manipulate you into being happy. That isn't a promise. That isn't a threat. That's just the way it's going to be. In fact, if he suspects that he cannot do this, he will put a story aside so that he can set the psychological preconditions necessary in order to manipulate you into being happy.
Author's note
I just learned we have a word for this in Common. Apparently, it's called "therapy". You learn something new every day, I suppose.
List of entities currently being actively manipulated by Felix
- Eric (The player playing Felix (It's a long story))
- Other players
- Wiggler
Transcendent Nature
Felix has been known to disappear entirely from Quelmar at times. Sometimes, he can be detected making his presence known outside of this Realm. He tends to return fairly swiftly, though, usually after being hit with a Newspaper of Banishment.
Common Felixisms
- The truth is whatever makes you happy.
- Like all good things, this too shall come with time.
- Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile!
- Why do you care so much about the facts? It's the truth you should be worried about!
- Nothing matters anyway, so why trouble yourself with the unjust burden of worry?
Known Aliases
Names and pronouns are nothing more than identifiers, and Felix is an entity that defies the very concept of identification. Call Felix whatever you like, just don't call Felix late to the party.
- Headless - Sneeze
- Felicia - Felicia
- Ixy - Paris Hilton
- Armor who doesn't even claim its own name - Sabbatical
- Figureless Headless Figurehead - Felix
History
Most of what is "known" about him is either folklore or word-of-mouth rumor. Many of them are blatantly contradictory. As Felix puts it, the truth is whatever makes you happy.
Rumors
The following are just a few of the rumors told about Felix.
- I am Felix, this is the truth.
- Felix served and died as a soldier in the army, but his soul was trapped in the armor.
- Felix doesn't actually exist. He's just a figment of your imagination conjured up by your mind trying to perceive something that can't possibly exist.
- Felix helped negotiate peace between Organics and Constructs during the War of the Forged.
- If the music stops, Felix will die. Music is his breath. This one has credibility because even in his sleep, Felix can be heard whistling.
- Felix was an early prototype of Warforged from a far-off land called a Manteiv.
- Felix is gaslighting you.
- Felix is gaslighting himself.
- Felix remembers nothing.
- Felix remembers everything. He just chooses when and how to express his memory.
- Felix is a tortured soul, and isn't actually happy.
- Rumor has it that Felix felt sadness once.
- This rumor is the least credible one on this list.
- Felix has been on the other side of the planet. This is where he has lived for the vast majority of his life.
- Felix has a brother called Whisper.
- Felix is an AI.
- Felix is a changeling, but he quite prefers the form of the armor.
- Felix is a sheet of paper.
- Everything about Felix is false. He has never told the truth in his life.
- Everything about Felix is true, including that everything about Felix is false.
- Felix believes everything that he says when he says it.
- Nothing about Felix is true.
- Felix is from the underdark, and the underdark is a portal to the other side of the world. In fact, a better word for the underdark is the world between worlds.
- Felix is imaginary. He isn't real. He can't hurt you.
- This is a close second for the least credible rumor on this list.
- Felix isn't imaginary. YOU'RE the one that's imaginary.
- Felix just popped into existence and is making all of this shit up as he goes along.
- Felix has no way of knowing what is true and what isn't true.
- Felix simply just repeats whatever he is told or whatever he perceives so long as it makes for a good story.
- Felix is a propagandist.
- Felix killed Tiamat.
- Felix is a time traveler from the future.
- Felix is a time traveler from the past.
- Felix isn't actually made of steel. He's made of this weird metal called silicon. Supposedly it conducts electricity, but only some of the time.
- What are you, the president of Felix's fan club or something?
- No, that would be your mother!
- Felix pays his taxes.
- Felix is wanted for tax evasion.
- Felix works for the IRS.
- Felix is your best friend.
- Felix has always been your best friend. Accept no evidence to the contrary.
- This is a one-electron universe, and Felix is the electron.
- Felix has never posted misinformation in his life. What are you talking about?
- Felix is the physical manifestation of the weave.
- Felix is an inventor with many well-known inventions, such as music, sex, books, steel, and sex 2.
- Felix singlehandedly eradicated smallpox.
- Maybe the real Felix is the friends we made along the way.
- Felix can be worn.
- Felix cannot be worn.
- Felix was sentenced to death for first degree vehicular homicide, but talked his way down to a speeding ticket.
- Felix invented Sir Isaac Newton, the inventor of gravity.
- Felix is your parent.
- Felix wears thigh-highs underneath his armor.
- Felix's entire existence is just one big exercise in strategic ambiguity.
- Felix killed racism.
- After killing racism, Felix reinvented racism just so he could kill it again.
- Felix floats on water.
- Felix is a conspiracy theorist that thinks this world is fake.
- Felix is dead, long live Felix.
- Felix has no soul.
- Felix has one soul.
- Felix has many souls.
- Felix is a minor god trapped in a cursed item.
- Felix is a primordial paradox trapped in a tin can.
- Felix is wanted by the Greenwood Foundation.
- Felix is a sleeper agent for the Greenwood Foundation.
- Felix is actually just Dr. Moss.
- Felix could kick your ass in Mario Kart Double Dash.
- I am Felix, this is a lie.
Just to name a few.
"Sources"
The sources that Felix uses to acquire this veritable font of knowledge are numerous and vast.
- I made it up.
- It was revealed to me in a dream.
- It made for a good story.
- The whiskey told me so.
- The drugs told me so.
- The voices in my helmet told me so.
- The random crackhead I found dumpster-diving behind an Applebee's told me so.
- Trust me, I would know.
- I saw it with my own two eyeslits.
- Maybe the real citation was the friends we made along the way.
If you happen to be interested in learning more, the main article for sources of information about Felix's history can be found here.
Languages
Common, Draconic, C++, and currently learning Sylvan
Powers and Abilities
Felix is a pacifist. He couldn't hurt a fly. He may participate in combat, but only in a supportive role.
Attacks and Weapons
"Had I the capacity to take offense, I would be offended that you had the audacity to even ask that. Luckily for you, I am not capable of such a thing. Shall we engage in discourse over some other more cheerful topic?"
Felix's Notes
It is here that I must perform the most dire and spiritless task of taking notes. But worry not: we shall extrapolate truths from these facts in due time.
General Notes
This whole company is a basket case, but it's my basket case, damnit, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
As of right now, I am working as a medical assistant to Amaris. I see this as my most important duty at the moment, as I must have respect for the needs of this company above mine own if it is to function.
Analysis: The State of the Company
This company is destabilizing quickly, and the anarchic state of affairs is not helping, despite what Sabbatical insists. Something must be done about it. As to what that is, I have made some proposals to one that finds herself in opposition to me, but we came to no agreement.
Social Contract
There is no standardized social contract that everyone can agree to at the moment, other than working for gold. Ah, nay, I have erred in writing such an assessment. They cannot even agree to that. Some of them are here for research purposes instead. For the continued prosperity of everyone here at the company, it would be wise to implement a social contract.
A Meta-Analysis of my Analyses
So far, my analyses have been rather credible.
I ought to note that the second before people had noticed that I arrived at camp, I was already vocally criticizing the security of it. Responsible security measures are usually a good start towards making people happy, after all. As of now, they dig trenches and build other fortifications to secure it.
I had also noted that the company's dynamic was rather unstable, and I have advocated for its stabilization on many occasions now. This too was proven to be a source for several problems by recent events on more than one occasion.
And I have even managed to provide a credible analysis to three different sides of a conflict before it even occurred. I advised Millar that his secrecy and knowledge made him a perceived threat, and that he ought to be more cautious. Immediately after, I advised others that they ought to be engaging in counterintelligence operations. Finally, I had talked to Sabbatical about the state of affairs in the camp. I note that I created a continuum that drew upon her ideas. In addition, I had suggested that a comprehensive plan for de-escalation that addressed all levels of the continuum with the intention of avoiding violence would be the most effective solution to the issue at hand. I note advising her that she misunderstood the game of conflict resolution, as it seemed as though she was either dangerously dismissive or grossly negligent about the truth that when resolving a current crisis, one must also plan for the next one if such a resolution is even to be a resolution at all. She later called it all "weak theory" without proposing her own solution (I agree with this assessment, but only with regards to the ideas of hers that I integrated into my theory, such as the idea that crises will begin with the death of an individual, which was later proven to be incorrect). She said that my ideas missed the nuance of social interactions after urging me to skip past that nuance. She said that my solution would be undesirable, and not even 24 hours after saying this to me, she acted as an intervening authority to de-escalate a conflict. Despite mine silent hoping that Sabbatical was the correct one between us, I cannot help but think that I was more correct than either of us had ever hoped me to be.
In just one event, the people here have proven so many of my analyses that day to be correct that it draws me to question whether or not merely proposing these ideas is a form of manipulation. And yet they still do not trust my ideas.
Though, I must still wonder if my ideas may be nudging the camp towards continuing their disputes rather than resolving them. My advice has primarily been cautionary in nature, and I worry that it has created conflicts where there needn't be any. Some additional thought is needed, and I should adjust my course of action accordingly.
Perhaps I should provide advice that is generally pointed towards a more mutually beneficial direction. I may point towards Sabbatical as a demonstration as to why this may not work, as for too long she has avoided making amends with me despite several offers to the contrary. However, it often seems that her ideas are counter to the interests of the company. Perhaps I ought to cut her out entirely instead of including her, but to this I say nay. I reason that it may detract from unity rather than contributing to it. It is possible that if she has some say in what I propose, even if it is minor, it may keep her from getting too aggressive in her opposition to me. I would also like to avoid disenfranchising her entirely, as such a thing is usually a recipe for further destabilization in circumstances such as these.
I also worry that my unaligned and advisory approach to the factions at play may further detract from developing any strong friendships any time soon, but such is the nature of active neutrality in multipolar politics. 'Tis a dangerous thing, but a necessary thing nonetheless.
I would also wish to disengage from my active role as a political voice should therapy become a viable option for stabilizing the camp, which it seems like it is. I hope that a disengagement from politics does not cause further destabilization, but it is possible that it will. Such an outcome should be prepared for.
On the Matter of Subtlety
In some instances, it is better that people think of my ideas as their ideas. It is the truth that makes them happy to use them, so it is a truth that I am willing to tell.
My Most Cherished Companions
Too many faces, not enough time.
Wiggler
Of the dozen or so individuals that I have met here, Wiggler is my best friend so far. He's cheery, playful, polite, interesting, and an all-around kind soul. I regret telling him about my origins on the downside. I hope it didn't affect him too much.
Oh, poor Wiggler. He hath made such a folly that he may have hard time entrusting himself anymore.
At the very least, therapy with him has allowed me to get my foot in the door for giving therapy to others.
I look forward to talking with him more and sharing more stories with him.
Nassir
Nassir is much of the same, although slightly less playful. He's reserved, respectful, and kind. In addition, to my knowledge, Nassir is in love with Marion, and is helping her take care of Kompi (my beloved). While Wiggler is what I want out of a friend, Nassir is what I need, and I ought to have respect for that, especially in a dynamic as dysfunctional as this one. But no matter; like all good things, this too shall come with time. Still, I look forward to talking with him more and sharing more stories with him.
Marion
Marion is quite the thoughtful, kind, caring sweetheart. The type of person that you would want to spend your life with. They are someone that I always look forward to seeing. They know just the right topics to ask for stories, and they care deeply for Kompi. I look forward to talking more with them, and especially sharing stories.
Sneeze
Sneeze is a good little lad. One of the best, really. He's smarter than his actions and his words suggest. He doesn't take Sabbatical's verbal abuse well, but this can most certainly be fixed. He also didn't take too well to me removing my helmet, but he got over it fairly quickly, I look forward to talking with him more, and I'd bet he has some interesting tales to tell as well.
Kompi
☺
I look forward to the time where they trust me more, and I especially look forward to talking with them more. It's a fine excuse to practice my Draconic.
Paris Hilton
I remember Miss Hilton from my time on the downside. She's not the brightest, but she's cheerful enough, and at the end of the day, that's what matters, eh? She seems like the kind of person that would be interested in my stories. I look forward to talking with her more.
Amaris
From what I can infer, Amaris is not a mortal, but rather a Fey. But she is my boss, and she likely will help me facilitate the psychological rehabilitation of this merry gaggle of codgers, so there's that. I look forward to talking with her more, and I especially look forward to working for her in future.
Sir Yewvane Eedryll
Supposedly, Sir Yewvane Eedryll is also a Fey. His opinions of mortals indicate that he's quite the sour, disillusioned old man. That being said, I am glad that he felt comfortable expressing this opinion near me, so I shan't press him further on it, but I do look forward to talking more with him.
"Reedy"
Where Sir Yewvane is sour, Reedy is bitter. She is a cheerless individual that keeps a lot of secrets. Based on what Nassir and Lambda have told me, I shouldn't even know her name, and I worry that by writing it down, I am incriminating myself. Regardless, I look forward to talking with her more, and deciphering this no-doubt complex individual.
Sabbatical
And where Yewvane is sour and Reedy is bitter, Sabbatical is overtly toxic.
Sabbatical is a curious individual that I have only met twice. In a one-on-one conversation, she and I had a nice little chat about the facts of what this company has been up to before I arrived. We also had a brief discussion of stories and philosophy. Regrettably, however, I hadn't the chance to tell her a story. Specifically, I recall telling her two things of import. The first, of course, is that the truth is whatever makes you happy. The second was the tragedy of how some people spend so much of their time searching for the facts in the story of life that they forget to extrapolate the truths from those facts. She seems to intuitively understand that there is some wisdom to these two statements on their own. Despite this (and despite her background as a lawyer), she seems incapable of connecting the two together.
That same day, I had found her talking with Lambda, when Sneeze tried to approach her. She rejected Sneeze's advance, but he continued. This led to a disproportionate outburst on her behalf that bordered on verbal abuse. Sabbatical does not mince words, and she feels no obligation to be kind to those around her. This is a behavior that must be corrected sooner or later, lest it result in any undue conflict. The question then becomes a matter of how.
Being directly confrontational here would not be the best move, as it would most likely result in said undue conflict. It also isn't particularly pleasant to directly confront people about their actions, so I'm all the happier that option isn't viable. I am unsure whether she understands the practical utility of being nice to others. If she does not, then this is an avenue of discussion I ought to pursue with her. If not, it may be just as easy to coax her into an intellectually vulnerable position by saying that I expected better of someone as smart as her, or something to that effect. Even if she happens to be smarter than me, which is entirely possible, it won't make her any happier to trample over me the way she did to Sneeze, especially if I choose to react in a more composed demeanor. Of that much, I am thoroughly certain. That's just the ticket in: to return her aggression with the utmost kindness and respect while adapting to and accommodating her concerns, though decidedly not capitulating to them.
This method has shown its merits, and I shall continue to use it. A clear path forward does not exist, but like all good things, this too shall come with time.
I look forward to our future conversations together, and I hope to see a day where she too is just as happy with her life as I am with mine. Forsooth, we shall all be better off for it.
Therapy is an important part of my plan to stabilize this company. Social stability begins with mental stability, and the people here are not. Most of the notes here are confidential, and should not be shared unless someone is being actively endangered, and sharing may help.
Wiggler
Wiggler is my first patient. He is currently suffering from a guilty conscience. He knows that what he did to Millar was wrong, and he is the one suffering for it. He thinks of himself as an insignificant rodent. In his own words, he called himself a pest. He thinks that there is nobody in this world that is here for him. He struggles to pick his head up with pride and work to be better than he was yesterday. This is an issue that I am currently working with him to resolve.
In this regard, I believe he worries too much what others think of him, to the point where it is inhibiting his capacity for self improvement. Because of this, I offered him a story about Paladin Taijham, an old, wise friend of mine that wasn't always that way. He was highly receptive to the story, and I know for certain that he understands the value to it, but I worry that he may struggle to see how he might apply it to himself. I have offered to be his guide in his journey. He is receptive to this idea. I look forward to future therapy sessions, and helping him out wherever I can.
Nonetheless, it is proof that we are on the path to stabilization, and such a thing should not go unacknowledged.
