Felix Francis Fitzgerald

Felix Francis Fitzgerald

"I may be a fool and a liar, but I'm an intelligent fool and a truthful liar."

Date of Birth	Unknown
Place of Birth	Unknown
Species	Warforged
Gender	Unknown
Height	5'9"
Weight	25lb

Felix Francis Fitzgerald is a Warforged eloquence bard that wanders this world in search of good stories, good company, and protection. He is constantly cheerful, and seeks to brighten the day of everyone around him at all times, be they friend or foe. He is a character in the Within the Wicked Wilds campaign.

Physical Appearance

Felix takes the appearance of a decorative suit of armor. His

Felix's voice is posh and airy with a mid-high pitch. Some consider it to be unsettling upon first hearing it.

Personality

True to his name, Felix has a permanently merry personality. He's an entertainer at heart to such an extreme that he will often try to entertain people that are actively trying to kill him. In fact, he's done it before, should you believe him.

Felix is constantly playing music.

Manipulative Tendencies

Felix will manipulate you into being happy. That isn't a promise. That isn't a threat. That's just the way it's going to be. In fact, if he suspects that he cannot do this, he will put a story aside in order to scheme so that he can set the psychological preconditions necessary in order to manipulate you into being happy.

Author's note

I just learned we have a word for this in Common. Apparently, it's called "therapy". You learn something new every day, I suppose.

Common Felixisms

• The truth is whatever makes you happy.
• Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile!
• Why do you care so much about the facts? It's the truth you should be worried about!
• Nothing matters anyway, so why trouble yourself with the unjust burden of worry?

History

Most of what is "known" about him is either folklore or word-of-mouth rumor. Many of them are blatantly contradictory. As Felix puts it, the truth is whatever makes you happy.

Rumors

The following are just a few of the rumors told about Felix.

• I am Felix, this is the truth.
• Felix served and died as a soldier in the army, but his soul was trapped in the armor.
• Felix doesn't actually exist. He's just a figment of your imagination conjured up by your mind trying to perceive something that can't possibly exist.
• Felix helped negotiate peace between Organics and Constructs during the War of the Forged.
• If the music stops, Felix will die. Music is his breath. This one has credibility because even in his sleep, Felix can be heard whistling.
• Felix was an early prototype of Warforged from a far-off land called a Manteiv.
• Felix is gaslighting you.
• Felix is gaslighting himself.
• Felix remembers nothing.
• Felix remembers everything. He just chooses when and how to express his memory.
• Felix is a tortured soul, and isn't actually happy.
• Rumor has it that Felix felt sadness once. This rumor is the least credible one on this list.
• Felix has been on the other side of the planet. This is where he has lived for the vast majority of his life.
• Felix has a brother called Whisper.
• Felix is an AI.
• Felix is a changeling, but he quite prefers the form of the armor.
• Felix is a sheet of paper.
• Everything about Felix is false. He has never told the truth in his life.
• Everything about Felix is true, including that everything about Felix is false.
• Felix believes everything that he says when he says it.
• Nothing about Felix is true.
• Felix is from the underdark, and the underdark is a portal to the other side of the world. In fact, a better word for the underdark is the world between worlds.
• Felix isn't imaginary. YOU'RE the one that's imaginary.
• Felix just popped into existence and is making all of this shit up as he goes along.
• Felix has no way of knowing what is true and what isn't true.
• Felix simply just repeats whatever he is told or whatever he perceives so long as it makes for a good story.
• Felix is a propagandist.
• Felix killed Tiamat.
• Felix is a time traveler from the future.
• Felix is a time traveler from the past.
• Felix isn't actually made of steel. He's made of this weird metal called silicon. Supposedly it conducts electricity, but only some of the time.
• What are you, the president of Felix's fan club or something?
• No, that would be your mother!
• Felix pays his taxes.
• Felix is wanted for tax evasion.
• Felix works for the IRS.
• Felix is your best friend.
• Felix has always been your best friend. Accept no evidence to the contrary.
• This is a one-electron universe, and Felix is the electron.
• Felix has never posted misinformation in his life. What are you talking about?
• Felix is the physical manifestation of the weave.
• Felix is an inventor with many well-known inventions, such as music, sex, books, steel, and sex 2.
• Felix singlehandedly eradicated smallpox.
• Maybe the real Felix is the friends we made along the way.
• Felix can be worn.
• Felix cannot be worn.
• Felix was sentenced to death for first degree vehicular homicide, but talked his way down to a speeding ticket.
• Felix invented Sir Isaac Newton, the inventor of gravity.
• Felix is your parent.
• Felix wears thigh-highs underneath his armor.
• Felix's entire existence is just one big exercise in strategic ambiguity.
• Felix killed racism.
• After killing racism, Felix reinvented racism just so he could kill it again.
• Felix floats on water.
• Felix is a conspiracy theorist that thinks this world is fake.
• Felix is dead, long live Felix.
• Felix has no soul.
• Felix has one soul.
• Felix has many souls.
• Felix could kick your ass in Mario Kart Double Dash.
• I am Felix, this is a lie.

Just to name a few.

"Sources"

The sources that Felix uses to acquire this veritable font of knowledge are numerous and vast.

• I made it up
• It was revealed to me in a dream
• It made for a good story
• The whiskey told me so
• The drugs told me so
• The voices in my helmet told me so
• The random crackhead I found dumpster-diving behind an Applebee's told me so
• Trust me, I would know
• I saw it with my own two eyeslits
• Maybe the real citation was the friends we made along the way.

If you happen to be interested in learning more, the main article for sources of information about Felix's history can be found here.

Languages

Common, Draconic, C++

Powers and Abilities

Felix is a pacifist. He couldn't hurt a fly. He may participate in combat, but only in a supportive role.

Attacks and Weapons

"Had I the capacity to take offense, I would be offended that you had the audacity to even ask that. Luckily for you, I am not capable of such a thing. Shall we engage in discourse over some other more cheerful topic?"

Felix's Notes

It is here that I must perform the most dire and spiritless task of taking notes. But worry not: we shall extrapolate truths from these facts in due time.

General Notes

This whole company is a basket case, but it's my basket case, damnit, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

As of right now, I am working as a medical assistant to Amaris. I see this as my most important duty at the moment, as I must have respect for the needs of this company above mine own if it is to function.

My Most Cherished Companions

Too many faces, not enough time.

Wiggler

Of the dozen or so individuals that I have met here, Wiggler is my best friend so far. He's cheery, playful, polite, interesting, and an all-around kind soul. I regret telling him about my origins on the downside. I hope it didn't affect him too much. I look forward to talking with him more and sharing more stories with him.

Nassir

Nassir is much of the same, although slightly less playful. He's reserved, respectful, and kind. In addition, to my knowledge, Nassir is in love with Marion, and is helping her take care of Kompi (my beloved). While Wiggler is what I want out of a friend, Nassir is what I need, and I ought to have respect for that, especially in a dynamic as dysfunctional as this one. But no matter; like all good things, this too shall come with time. Still, I look forward to talking with him more and sharing more stories with him.

Marion

Marion is quite the thoughtful, kind, caring sweetheart. The type of person that you would want to spend your life with. They are someone that I always look forward to seeing. They know just the right topics to ask for stories, and they care deeply for Kompi. I look forward to talking more with them, and especially sharing stories.

Sneeze

Sneeze is a good little lad. One of the best, really. He's smarter than his actions and his words suggest. He doesn't take Sabbatical's verbal abuse well, but this can most certainly be fixed. He also didn't take too well to me removing my helmet, but he got over it fairly quickly, I look forward to talking with him more, and I'd bet he has some interesting tales to tell as well.

Kompi

☺

I look forward to the time where they trust me more, and I especially look forward to talking with them more. It's a fine excuse to practice my Draconic.

Paris Hilton

I remember Miss Hilton from my time on the downside. She's not the brightest, but she's cheerful enough, and at the end of the day, that's what matters, eh? She seems like the kind of person that would be interested in my stories. I look forward to talking with her more.

Amaris

From what I can infer, Amaris is not a mortal. But she is my boss, and she likely will help me facilitate the psychological rehabilitation of this merry gaggle of codgers, so there's that. I look forward to talking with her more, and I especially look forward to working for her in future.

Sir Yewvane Eedryll

Supposedly, Sir Yewvane Eedryll is not a mortal either. His opinions of mortals indicate that he's quite the sour, disillusioned old man. That being said, I am glad that he felt comfortable expressing this opinion near me, so I shan't press him further on it, but I do look forward to talking more with him.

"Reedy"

Where Yewvane is sour, Reedy is bitter. She is a cheerless individual that keeps a lot of secrets. Based on what Nassir and Lambda have told me, I shouldn't even know her name, and I worry that by writing it down, I am incriminating myself. Regardless, I look forward to talking with her more, and deciphering this no-doubt complex individual.

Sabbatical

And where Yewvane is sour and Reedy is bitter, Sabbatical is overtly toxic.

Sabbatical is a curious individual that I have only met twice. In a one-on-one conversation, she and I had a nice little chat about the facts of what this company has been up to before I arrived. We also had a brief discussion of stories and philosophy. Regrettably, however, I hadn't the chance to tell her a story. Specifically, I recall telling her two things of import. The first, of course, is that the truth is whatever makes you happy. The second was the tragedy of how some people spend so much of their time searching for the facts in the story of life that they forget to extrapolate the truths from those facts. She seems to intuitively understand that there is some wisdom to these two statements on their own. Despite this (and despite her background as a lawyer), she seems incapable of connecting the two together.

That same day, I had found her talking with Lambda, when Sneeze tried to approach her. She rejected Sneeze's advance, but he continued. This led to a disproportionate outburst on her behalf that bordered on verbal abuse. Sabbatical does not mince words, and she feels no obligation to be kind to those around her. This is a behavior that must be corrected sooner or later, lest it result in any undue conflict. The question then becomes a matter of how.

Being directly confrontational here would not be the best move, as it would most likely result in said undue conflict. It also isn't particularly pleasant to directly confront people about their actions, so I'm all the happier that option isn't viable. I am unsure whether she understands the practical utility of being nice to others. If she does not, then this is an avenue of discussion I ought to pursue with her. If not, it may be just as easy to coax her into an intellectually vulnerable position by saying that I expected better of someone as smart as her, or something to that effect. Even if she happens to be smarter than me, which is entirely possible, it won't make her any happier to trample over me the way she did to Sneeze, especially if I choose to react in a more composed demeanor. Of that much, I am thoroughly certain. That's just the ticket in: to return her aggression with the utmost kindness and respect while adapting to and accommodating her concerns, though decidedly not capitulating to them.

I look forward to our future conversations together, and I hope to see a day where she too is just as happy with her life as I am with mine. Forsooth, we shall all be better off for it.