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The Quelmar Wiki
Plez oh guds oh plez nut agaan noooooo!
Relatives Meep, Butter & Waffles, Wit, Akk, Chalupa, Shnek
Languages Abyssal, Common, Draconic, Elvish
Affiliations Tempest Brothers Expeditionary Company, Protectors of the People (Unofficial)
Aliases Red Fury, Survivor of a Thousand Deaths
Marital Status Single and Ready to Mingle
Place of Birth In a Hole
Date of Death On the Inside: Date of Birth, Outside: Never
Place of Death Sneeze Can Never Die!
Species Kobold
Gender Male
Height 2ft, 3 Inches
Weight 42 Pounds
Eye Color Black

Sneeze is a Kobold Path of the Beast Barbarian and a character from the Within the Wicked Wilds Community Campaign.

Physical Appearance[edit | edit source]

Sneeze is a small a barley 2ft tall b=kobold with red scales an lean muscles. he has crazy pinpoint eyes and a number of large scares and burn marks across his body. he wears a simple leather harness to hold his large collection of weapons and wears a pair of torn adventurer's trousers. All of his weapons are old and rusty, but clearly have had a lot of love put into their use.

Personality[edit | edit source]

Many would mistake Sneeze for being unendingly brave. This is quite the contrary as he is very much a coward. Where people mistake bravery though is his stupidity. He does not have the mental capacity to see and interpret any danger he might be which prevents him from realizing he should be afraid.

Sneeze has absolutely no filter and is quite loud when conversing with other. in addition he has trouble understanding many conventions of a civilized society. His experience as his brother's lab rat has forced him to face many lethal treats, all of which he mostly survived based on sheer luck. This had the unfortunate side effect of making Sneeze believe he was unkillable. This mindset has gotten Sneeze in a wide variety of strange and life threatening situations.

But these beliefs may not be entirely unfounded, as Sneeze's body has in ways adapted to danger. When he is in danger, his body naturally adapts. His scales grow rough and spiky and his muscles bulge. Taking on a more draconic appearance, his claws grow sharp, his maw grows in size, and vestigial wings grow from his back which can protect him from harm.

History[edit | edit source]

Sneeze is 4 years old, a little under half of a Kobold's average lifespan. Kobolds can live up to 120 years old, gaining the title of Great Wyrm, but few ever live past 10 years, 8 if you are lucky. But even Sneeze was suprised he lived past five minutes while being Shnek's brother...

Sneeze was born along with many of his siblings in a large nest of eggs in a small warren to the south in Isonhound. Sneeze had seven siblings, Shneck, Meep, Butter, Waffles, Wit, Akk, and Chalupa. When he and his siblings reached adulthood at 10 months they set out to make their names in Quelmar. Out of his siblings Sneeze was by far the dumbest, and so he became a good test subject for his wizard of a brother. One time Shnek tested an invisibility potion on Sneeze. Sneeze finally became visible again after two years. Another time Shnek tested a potion on a lizard, which turned it into a giant monster that ate Sneeze while the others ran away. Luckily Sneeze survived the monster's digestion system and was shit out a day later where he regrouped with the party. One time Sneeze fell off a cliff, but Shnek was unable to help his Kobold sibling because Squish had gotten stuck upside down.

Sneeze was always left behind broken, beaten, and batted, but still alive. Eventually Sneeze began to believe he was unkillable and began to even volunteer for Shnek's experiments. And then Shnek dropped his ham sandwich in a portal to the Feywild and pushed Sneeze into retrieve it. With the Feywild's weird time dilation though, when Sneeze returned back to the material plane, he had been gone for decades, and wasn't even in Isonhound anymore.

Sneeze had somehow transported himself across the realm all the way to Amusa. For the first time in his life Sneeze cried with relief. Sneeze began to travel across the continent and began to get himself into all sorts of shenanigans as a one kobold force. But yet things would go as poorly as usual. Sneeze was a magnet for danger and tragedy. In fact the first down he visited burned down 7 minutes after he arrived. Sneeze has had to fight Gnolls, Demons, rats, ladybugs, and he has survived.


His history of escaping danger hardened Sneeze to the elements and he was able to call upon the primal desire for survival to make his way through most dangers now. He picked up a trio of new weapons he would wield in combat. It was weird how someone would leave these perfectly good rusty old and worn weapons out in the open, under the dirt, held by skeletal hands, outside a church. This trio includes a battleaxe named Boo, a warhammer named Hoo, and a sword named Yoo.

Sneeze now journeys to join the Tempest Brothers Expeditionary Company because of course, who would be better then surviving the world horrors then him?

Languages[edit | edit source]

Abyssal, Common, Draconic, Elvish

Powers and Abilities[edit | edit source]

When Sneeze finds himself in danger his body naturally adapts to the danger. He becomes more resistant to damage and he can take on the abilities of a dragon, be is sharp claws, a ravenous maw, or protective wings.

Attacks and Weapons [edit | edit source]

Sneeze's favorite weapons are his battleaxe, warhammer, and sword, named Boo, Hoo, and Yoo respectfully. In combat he will typically dual wield these weapons with a combination of the three. For long ranged attacks he also carries a set of javelins and a pair of throwing handaxes.

Sneeze's Tales of Survival[edit | edit source]

Sneeze Tries Gnoll Cuisine[edit | edit source]

So Sneeze was just going about his way bumbling about the forest when he stumbled upon a group of dog people, Gnolls. These dog people were doing what most dog-people do, eating people. Now at the time, Sneeze did not see anything wrong with it. Meat is meat after all. Sneeze has eaten pigs, and some pigs can talk, how are humans any different. So Sneeze made his way over to the Gnolls and asked if he could join in the feast.

The Gnolls looked at each other confused before bursting out in fits of hysterical laughter and cheers. They let Sneeze indulge himself as he wished, but as the feast continued, Sneeze was confused why they kept sprinkling him with different spices. First they poured salt on him, them pepper, and then they rubbed herbs across his body. Sneeze didn't mind because it was probably just their culture or something.

Sneeze only began to feel confused at the point they had tied him up and started turning him over a fire. How in the world was he supposed to eat like this. This was incredibly rude. Sneeze looked at his restraints, then the table of people meat, at his restraints, and back to the table of people meat. this went on for five minutes before Sneeze realized what was happening. At this point his natural defenses kicked in and he managed to gnaw his way out of the restraints. Then from there Sneeze ran as far as one could run. He made sure to get some Gnoll meat for the road on his way out though.

Sneeze Joins a Cult[edit | edit source]

Sneeze was taking a vacation in the draconic land of Dolina. He had managed to find a small house on the bayou, a house that conveniently left their doors unlocked. Sneeze made himself right at home. He jumped on the beds, tried on all the cloths, ate though the cushions and smashed all the glass with his hammer. Honestly, in his opinion, the place looked better then he found it. But the homeowners did not have the same eye for beauty. They looked upon their wrecked home in abject horror and forced Sneeze from their destroyed house.

Sneeze was very annoyed at this as by the rules of finders keepers, that house was his. But he was distracted when he heard some strange chanting in the swamp. He scurried his way through the dense foliage when he came upon a clearing where a group of strange leaf cloaked figures were chanting around a strange bone effigy. They stopped their ritual and approached him with curiosity. From here they began to say some important mumbo jumbo, but Sneeze forgot to pay attention as he was trying to eat a leaf with some difficulty. All Sneeze remembers is that they said something about "He Who Knocks" and he said yes, having realized they asked him a question.

They then gave Sneeze a cloak and he joined in their chanting. He didn't know the words soo he just rattled off his favorite ice cream toppings. He spent a few days with these cultists and their practices were weird, like shunning personal property, starving themselves, and building strange bone sculptures. They then approached him one day and asked if he would like to be initiated. Once again he forgot to listen, this time struck in a staring contest with a beetle, and instinctively said yes.

He was then confused when they tried to take his weapons. He began to shriek and throw a temper tantrum at this and his cries were so high pitched that some of the cultists' ears started to bleed. They forced him out of the camp for their own protection and then used some strange druid magic to disappear into the swamp. Sneeze didn't care though as he had his beloved weapons back.

Sneeze Sells His Soul[edit | edit source]

Sneeze was exploring the expansive city of Galik and was sad because he was lost. He was wondering for days and was unable to find that cat he tried to chase across that one roof. He then heard someone whisper to him. "Hey kid, do you want some candy?" Sneeze spun around and looked down an ally way where he saw a strange cloaked figure. Now at the time Sneeze was wearing a heavy fur coat because it was warm out and it looked fuzzy on the guy who was wearing it. The coat disguised his kobold features and so made it look like he was but a small child.

Sneeze entered the alleyway and the figure stretched out their dark clawed hand which were filled with sweet jellybeans. Sneeze eagerly gobbled them in and in the process dropped his cloak. The figure was taken aback seeing that this was not indeed a child but a heavily armed kobold. Pulling down its hood, the figure revealed itself to be a deep-ruby skinned Devil with golden horns. Its changed its demeanor and took on a more charismatic air to itself.

"Sorry for mistaking you as a child my friend," it said in a proud voice. "Say I am looking to find the strongest warriors in the land. Would you call yourself among that number?" Sneeze eagerly replied to the devil with a mouth full of jellybeans. "Yas me wary strung an mi canut pereesh. Sneeze neva gona dii!" "Well great," replied the devil. "I need help slaying some very naughty and very very bad demons. If you would be willing to help me with this, I can offer you great power, what do you say?" The devil then rolled out a long contract and handed a quill over to Sneeze.

Now this contract had many strange stipulations. All it gave Sneeze was the ability to cast true Strike, but it asked for much more in return, including his first born son, his left pinky toe, his ability to appreciate a sunset, a pickled herring, 3 Silver Pieces, a patch of scales from his right arm, his ability to play the flute (something he did not have), his brother Waffles, and most but not least, his soul. Most of this would have deeply worried Sneeze, but this devil had preyed on his greatest weakness. Sneeze cannot read. With this Sneeze went to immediately sign the contract. An inability to read is usually paired with an inability to spell, or know how to write, or know you need to use the pointy side of a quill to write.

Que two frustrating hours of Sneeze trying and failing to spell his own name and failing to sign the contract. Even with the Devil's coaching Sneeze was completely unable to complete even the simplest of tasks. Eventually the Devil roared in anger, "F*#$ this Sh$^#t, im tired of this, im out!" In a puff of dark smoke, the devil was gone. What did Sneeze learn from this experience then? That strangers with candy were always nice, and that his name started with a U.

Everything Sneeze has Survived [edit | edit source]

  • Force-fed Acid
  • Gnoll Raiders
  • Demon Gargoyles
  • Hungry Halfling Cannibals
  • Lizard Digestive Tracks
  • Family Reunions
  • Very Small Knives
  • Shnek
  • Almost Permanent Invisibility Potion
  • Falling Off a Cliff
  • Falling Off a Taller Cliff
  • Getting Turned Into a Newt (He Got Better)
  • Childhood
  • Stone Golem
  • Fire Giant
  • Dropping the Soap
  • Tetanus
  • Rats
  • Depression
  • Lots of Hot Fire
  • Drowning
  • Drowning in Milk
  • Capitalism
  • Therapy
  • Poisoned Brunch
  • Sat on by Dragon
  • Pecked by Giant Owl
  • Angry Air Elemental
  • Curb stomped by a Cat
  • Literacy
  • Tall Shelves
  • Devil Contractors

Recent changes

  • JonTheTeach • 4 hours ago
  • Lunadix • 6 hours ago
  • K-dawg12 • 7 hours ago
  • K-dawg12 • 7 hours ago