Sneeze

Sneeze

Plez oh guds oh plez nut agaan noooooo!

Relatives	Meep, Butter & Waffles, Wit, Akk, Chalupa, Shnek
Languages	Abyssal, Common, Draconic, Elvish
Affiliations	Tempest Brothers Expeditionary Company, Protectors of the People (Unofficial)
Aliases	Red Fury, Survivor of a Thousand Deaths
Marital Status	Single and Ready to Mingle
Place of Birth	In a Hole
Date of Death	On the Inside: Date of Birth, Outside: Never
Place of Death	Sneeze Can Never Die!
Species	Kobold
Gender	Male
Height	2ft, 3 Inches
Weight	42 Pounds
Eye Color	Black

Sneeze is a Kobold Path of the Beast Barbarian and a character from the Within the Wicked Wilds Community Campaign.

Physical Appearance

Sneeze is a small a barley 2ft tall b=kobold with red scales an lean muscles. he has crazy pinpoint eyes and a number of large scares and burn marks across his body. he wears a simple leather harness to hold his large collection of weapons and wears a pair of torn adventurer's trousers. All of his weapons are old and rusty, but clearly have had a lot of love put into their use.

Personality

Many would mistake Sneeze for being unendingly brave. This is quite the contrary as he is very much a coward. Where people mistake bravery though is his stupidity. He does not have the mental capacity to see and interpret any danger he might be which prevents him from realizing he should be afraid.

Sneeze has absolutely no filter and is quite loud when conversing with other. In addition he has trouble understanding many conventions of a civilized society. His experience as his brother's lab rat has forced him to face many lethal threats, all of which he mostly survived based on sheer luck. This had the unfortunate side effect of making Sneeze believe he was unkillable. This mindset has gotten Sneeze in a wide variety of strange and life threatening situations.

But these beliefs may not be entirely unfounded, as Sneeze's body has in ways adapted to danger. When he is in danger, his body naturally adapts. His scales grow rough and spiky and his muscles bulge. Taking on a more draconic appearance, his claws grow sharp, his maw grows in size, and vestigial wings grow from his back which can protect him from harm.

When he and his siblings were still with the clan, Sneeze became fascinated learning about his ancestors who he saw as great warriors. Sneeze holds the utmost respect for those who came before him and worries that if he fails in his endeavors that he will let them down. Sneeze has been pushed around his whole life and is worried that people only see him as weak, as cute, or as simply just as nuisance. He feels that he must always be forcefully in his interactions and stand up for himself else no one will take him seriously and he will keep being pushed around and will disappoint his ancestors.

But when he is with friends he trusts and far from danger, Sneeze is quite sweet. He can be very child-like in his behaviors and is very playful, even if sometimes he goes to far. Sneeze is not very smart, being unable to read and only having the ability to count up to three, but even with these hinderances he still tries his best to keep up with those around him. One of his favorite pastimes is listening to his friend Marion Ette read to him alongside his Kobold friend Kompi.

History

Sneeze is 4 years old, a little under half of a Kobold's average lifespan. Kobolds can live up to 120 years old, gaining the title of Great Wyrm, but few ever live past 10 years, 8 if you are lucky. But even Sneeze was surprised he lived past five minutes while being Shnek's brother...

Sneeze was born along with many of his siblings in a large nest of eggs in a small warren to the south in Isonhound. Like many Kobolds across the world he lived underground in a Kobold warren as his ancestors had been driven into hiding years ago by warriors of The Second Draconic Crusades. It was because of this that Sneeze didn't see the sun until he was nearly three years old. Sneeze had seven siblings, Shneck, Meep, Butter, Waffles, Wit, Akk, and Chalupa. When he and his siblings reached adulthood at 10 months they set out to make their names in Quelmar. Out of his siblings Sneeze was by far the dumbest, and so he became a good test subject for his wizard of a brother. One time Shnek tested an invisibility potion on Sneeze. Sneeze finally became visible again after two years. Another time Shnek tested a potion on a lizard, which turned it into a giant monster that ate Sneeze while the others ran away. Luckily Sneeze survived the monster's digestion system and was shit out a day later where he regrouped with the party. One time Sneeze fell off a cliff, but Shnek was unable to help his Kobold sibling because Squish had gotten stuck upside down.

Sneeze was always left behind broken, beaten, and batted, but still alive. Eventually Sneeze began to believe he was unkillable and began to even volunteer for Shnek's experiments. And then Shnek dropped his ham sandwich in a portal to the Feywild and pushed Sneeze into retrieve it. With the Feywild's weird time dilation though, when Sneeze returned back to the material plane, he had been gone for decades, and wasn't even in Isonhound anymore.

File:Sneeze1.jpg

Sneeze had somehow transported himself across the realm all the way to Amusa. For the first time in his life Sneeze cried with relief. Sneeze began to travel across the continent and began to get himself into all sorts of shenanigans as a one kobold force. But yet things would go as poorly as usual. Sneeze was a magnet for danger and tragedy. In fact the first down he visited burned down 7 minutes after he arrived. Sneeze has had to fight Gnolls, Demons, rats, ladybugs, and he has survived.

His history of escaping danger hardened Sneeze to the elements and he was able to call upon the primal desire for survival to make his way through most dangers now. He picked up a trio of new weapons he would wield in combat. It was weird how someone would leave these perfectly good rusty old and worn weapons out in the open, under the dirt, held by skeletal hands, outside a church. This trio includes a battleaxe named Boo, a warhammer named Hoo, and a sword named Yoo.

Sneeze now journeys to join the Tempest Brothers Expeditionary Company because of course, who would be better then surviving the world horrors then him?

Languages

Abyssal, Common, Draconic, Elvish

Powers and Abilities

When Sneeze finds himself in danger his body naturally adapts to the danger. He becomes more resistant to damage and he can take on the abilities of a dragon, be is sharp claws, a ravenous maw, or protective wings.

Attacks and Weapons 

Sneeze's favorite weapons are his battleaxe, warhammer, and sword, named Boo, Hoo, and Yoo respectfully. In combat he will typically dual wield these weapons with a combination of the three. For long ranged attacks he also carries a set of javelins and a pair of throwing handaxes.

Sneeze's Tales of Survival

Sneeze Tries Gnoll Cuisine

So Sneeze was just going about his way bumbling about the forest when he stumbled upon a group of dog people, Gnolls. These dog people were doing what most dog-people do, eating people. Now at the time, Sneeze did not see anything wrong with it. Meat is meat after all. Sneeze has eaten pigs, and some pigs can talk, how are humans any different. So Sneeze made his way over to the Gnolls and asked if he could join in the feast.

The Gnolls looked at each other confused before bursting out in fits of hysterical laughter and cheers. They let Sneeze indulge himself as he wished, but as the feast continued, Sneeze was confused why they kept sprinkling him with different spices. First they poured salt on him, them pepper, and then they rubbed herbs across his body. Sneeze didn't mind because it was probably just their culture or something.

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Sneeze only began to feel confused at the point they had tied him up and started turning him over a fire. How in the world was he supposed to eat like this. This was incredibly rude. Sneeze looked at his restraints, then the table of people meat, at his restraints, and back to the table of people meat. this went on for five minutes before Sneeze realized what was happening. At this point his natural defenses kicked in and he managed to gnaw his way out of the restraints. Then from there Sneeze ran as far as one could run. He made sure to get some Gnoll meat for the road on his way out though.

Sneeze Joins a Cult

Sneeze was taking a vacation in the draconic land of Dolina. He had managed to find a small house on the bayou, a house that conveniently left their doors unlocked. Sneeze made himself right at home. He jumped on the beds, tried on all the cloths, ate though the cushions and smashed all the glass with his hammer. Honestly, in his opinion, the place looked better then he found it. But the homeowners did not have the same eye for beauty. They looked upon their wrecked home in abject horror and forced Sneeze from their destroyed house.

Sneeze was very annoyed at this as by the rules of finders keepers, that house was his. But he was distracted when he heard some strange chanting in the swamp. He scurried his way through the dense foliage when he came upon a clearing where a group of strange leaf cloaked figures were chanting around a strange bone effigy. They stopped their ritual and approached him with curiosity. From here they began to say some important mumbo jumbo, but Sneeze forgot to pay attention as he was trying to eat a leaf with some difficulty. All Sneeze remembers is that they said something about "He Who Knocks" and he said yes, having realized they asked him a question.

They then gave Sneeze a cloak and he joined in their chanting. He didn't know the words soo he just rattled off his favorite ice cream toppings. He spent a few days with these cultists and their practices were weird, like shunning personal property, starving themselves, and building strange bone sculptures. They then approached him one day and asked if he would like to be initiated. Once again he forgot to listen, this time struck in a staring contest with a beetle, and instinctively said yes.

He was then confused when they tried to take his weapons. He began to shriek and throw a temper tantrum at this and his cries were so high pitched that some of the cultists' ears started to bleed. They forced him out of the camp for their own protection and then used some strange druid magic to disappear into the swamp. Sneeze didn't care though as he had his beloved weapons back.

Sneeze Sells His Soul

Sneeze was exploring the expansive city of Galik and was sad because he was lost. He was wondering for days and was unable to find that cat he tried to chase across that one roof. He then heard someone whisper to him. "Hey kid, do you want some candy?" Sneeze spun around and looked down an ally way where he saw a strange cloaked figure. Now at the time Sneeze was wearing a heavy fur coat because it was warm out and it looked fuzzy on the guy who was wearing it. The coat disguised his kobold features and so made it look like he was but a small child.

Sneeze entered the alleyway and the figure stretched out their dark clawed hand which were filled with sweet jellybeans. Sneeze eagerly gobbled them in and in the process dropped his cloak. The figure was taken aback seeing that this was not indeed a child but a heavily armed kobold. Pulling down its hood, the figure revealed itself to be a deep-ruby skinned Devil with golden horns. Its changed its demeanor and took on a more charismatic air to itself.

"Sorry for mistaking you as a child my friend," it said in a proud voice. "Say I am looking to find the strongest warriors in the land. Would you call yourself among that number?" Sneeze eagerly replied to the devil with a mouth full of jellybeans. "Yas me wary strung an mi canut pereesh. Sneeze neva gona dii!" "Well great," replied the devil. "I need help slaying some very naughty and very very bad demons. If you would be willing to help me with this, I can offer you great power, what do you say?" The devil then rolled out a long contract and handed a quill over to Sneeze.

Now this contract had many strange stipulations. All it gave Sneeze was the ability to cast true Strike, but it asked for much more in return, including his first born son, his left pinky toe, his ability to appreciate a sunset, a pickled herring, 3 Silver Pieces, a patch of scales from his right arm, his ability to play the flute (something he did not have), his brother Waffles, and most but not least, his soul. Most of this would have deeply worried Sneeze, but this devil had preyed on his greatest weakness. Sneeze cannot read. With this Sneeze went to immediately sign the contract. An inability to read is usually paired with an inability to spell, or know how to write, or know you need to use the pointy side of a quill to write.

Que two frustrating hours of Sneeze trying and failing to spell his own name and failing to sign the contract. Even with the Devil's coaching Sneeze was completely unable to complete even the simplest of tasks. Eventually the Devil roared in anger, "F*#$ this Sh$^#t, im tired of this, im out!" In a puff of dark smoke, the devil was gone. What did Sneeze learn from this experience then? That strangers with candy were always nice, and that his name started with a U.

Sneeze Crips a Worm aka Sneeze gets Worms

Sneeze had been making great friends with other members of the Tempest Brothers Expeditionary Company. One day he was feeling a bit antsy and wanted somebody to wrastle. To his glee someone agreed, a strange metal man with worms for a face named Wiggler. Wiggler had a head of blue worms, which Sneeze can attest didn't taste very well. A lot of these worms would drop behind Wiggler and sometimes Sneeze would get peckish enough to nibble on one now and again. So Sneeze and Wiggler walked down the street of Galik and found a small abandoned lot for a home that was yet to be constructed. Here they began to wrastle. Wiggler started gaining the upper hand but Sneeze entered into survival mode, growing in height and turning more monstrous and began to pin Wiggler.

In hindsight Sneeze didn't think Wiggler knew how to wrastle, because the worm man started to look scared when Sneeze took out his weapons, Boo and Hoo where he then began top wail on the poor worm thing. In addition, Wiggler must have forgotten then in wrastling you are supposed to run towards your partner and not away from them. So Sneeze began to chase Wiggler down the street who hot a stream of worms at Sneeze's feet. Sneeze eventually tackled Wiggler in the street who said he didn't want to play anymore. Wiggler then summoned a giant worm which burst from the ground. Wiggler and Sneeze then rode the worm around the dirt plot much like an amusement ride. The worms name was Willy.

After the fight Sneeze went to the vet and now has to take pills for the next three weeks...

Sneeze Goes on a Picnic aka Taking Candy from a Fey Van

Sneeze was hanging out with another member of the Tempest Brothers Association named Marion, a kind and very very tall Tiefling who would write funny scribbles in their book. Sneeze and Marion were hanging out outside when they were approached by two strange fey by the names of Ojai the Feast of Summer, and Olla the Folly of Spring who wanted to invite Marion to join them for a "picnic." Sneeze in his past had had minimal encounters with Fey. The most he ever interacted with Fey or the Fey realm was when he had entered the Feywild for only a few seconds only to learn that years had passed in the real world. So even with that little interaction Sneeze knew that Fey may be strange and possibly tricky in their ways.

As Sneeze walked with Marion and they two fey deeper into the city of Galik, both of the Eladrin spoke of how they were violating their duties and how they weren't supposed to be going on a picnic. Sneeze did not understand any of this, not really comprehending what their duty meant or why it was illegal to go on picnics. Sneeze then began to recognize where they had traveled to. They had arrived in the lower district of Galik where the impoverished lived in squalor and where orphans ran wild and free. The district was a place Sneeze had found refugee in during his first days in Amusa, camping out in a dumpster behind the Applebees.

Sneeze, Marion, and Olla began to set up the picnic where the Fey revealed a plentiful bounty of fruit and sweet bread which they laid upon the picnic blanket they had provided. In turn Sneeze offered up some of his mysterious meat to add to the pile of food, but such an offer was sadly denied. Ojai eventually returned with a pack of orphan children he had charmed with his fey magics. After arriving with the children, the Fey permitted the orphans to partake in the bounty of food and spoke eloquently how they enjoyed the pleasure of having the opportunity to feed the poor and needy. Sneeze and Marion began to discuss with the Fey who were confused why everyone was so distrustful of them only because of their fey nature. Sneeze countered their argument that their aloofness to most situations and the fact that they did just charm a handful of orphans possibly only added to the hesitance of those around them.

It was at this exact moment, revealing themselves hiding on the rooftop arrived Jim Stacy and Commando Reconnaissance Unit Lambda. Both had followed Marion worried that she would be in danger walking off with the strange fey. Marion immediately got defensive saying how she could handle herself on her own while Sneeze froze in fear and nervousness with the surprise arrival of Lambda...

Earlier in the week Sneeze had learned of Lambda's horrid history as a draconic crusader and how Lambda had worked to execute many dragonborn and kobolds in his past. While Lambda try to say that his life as a crusader was no longer his after an accident reset his mental processors, Sneeze could only see him as a scary crusader, the same kind of crusader who drove his ancestors underground into hiding. Sneeze promised Lambda that if he believed Lambda was ever a threat to him, any of Sneeze's draconic allies, or anyone else in the company, Sneeze would tear him apart.

In this moment of panic, with Sneeze seeing lambda appear suddenly after learning the Warforged had been following him and Marion, Sneeze entered into a rage and pulled out his weapons Boo and Hoo. This immediately increased the tension of the situation, with Jim Stacy backing off as a result after trying to incite a brawl amongst the orphans. Sneeze told Lambda that this sneaking around proved that lambda was a threat and could not be trusted and promised to defeat the construct in a dual. With the picnic over, many went their separate ways while Sneeze went over to his former abode in the dumpster behind Applebees to cry.

Everything Sneeze has Survived 

• Force-fed Acid
• Gnoll Raiders
• Demon Gargoyles
• Hungry Halfling Cannibals
• Lizard Digestive Tracks
• Family Reunions
• Very Small Knives
• Shnek
• Almost Permanent Invisibility Potion
• Falling Off a Cliff
• Falling Off a Taller Cliff
• Getting Turned Into a Newt (He Got Better)
• Childhood
• Stone Golem
• Fire Giant
• Dropping the Soap
• Tetnis
• Rats
• Depression
• Lots of Hot Fire
• Drowning
• Drowning in Milk
• Capitalism
• Therapy
• Poisoned Brunch
• Sat on by Dragon
• Pecked by Giant Owl
• Angry Air Elemental
• Curb stomped by a Cat
• Literacy
• Tall Shelves
• Devil Contractors
• Worm Robots
• Drake Dogs
• Too Many Tieflings
• Draconic Crusaders
• Fey Picnics
• Sad Orphans
• Rich Women